EMJAY: The Dating Game

a reader asks: Do you have any advice for my single mom friend, who is afraid that her son scares men off?


Oh do I have loads of advice! When do I not, really?


First things first, before you start to dip your big toe into the murky waters of the dating pool, ask yourself this:
What am I looking for?


Are you looking to casually date, flirt, have drinks, etc?  Or are you looking for something more serious, intimate, long term?  Are you looking for a mate, and father figure for your wee ankle biter? Because depending on your answer, the advice comes in different flavors.


If you are of the casual dating persuasion, your son does not need to be a topic of conversation.  I realize after months (years) of diapers, poop, bodily fluids, children's television, and keeping up on the latests must-have toys, it can be difficult to work other topics into your repertoire.  However, you must.  Men whom you are casually dating probably do not know or care who the Wiggles are, or that they are coming to a city near you.


Personally, I think casual dating as a single mom is the hardest thing to do.  Most men hear you have a child and can't pay their tab fast enough before the run screaming from the building.


 Just kidding, some walk briskly.


  If casual is your thing, I suggest (casually) mentioning that you're not looking for a new daddy for Johnny/Suzie/Bob etc. just a little fun for yourself.


However, if what you're looking for is something long term, committed, with the potential for marriage and or domestic partnership my advice is simple and straightforward:


Any man who can't handle the fact you are brave enough to raise a child on your own is not worth your time, and it is YOU who should flee as fast as you can (it's hard in pumps, I recommend flats for a first date in case you need a quick getaway).


When you do find someone worthy of your time (and you will, once you realize that you are a strong, capable, brave woman who deserves to be treated right) take things slowly.  The first date need not be a family outing to the park, remember, YOU are the one dating, not your children.  While I'm not of the "wait a year before you introduce your kids and partners" persuasion, I do think you need to take some time to decide if this is a person you want to involve in your life.  Start slow, have him pick you up at the house and say hello to little Frank/Francine before you head out to the movies.


The bottom line is, dating is hard.  Throw children into the mix and you make it damn near impossible.  But find someone who is willing to accept you, and your children for all that you are, and I promise you, he or she was worth waiting for.